Been kinda down the last few days. The Monday after the Friday my contract ended my phones wouldn’t stop ringing with recruiters trying to get me interviews for other contracts. Now here I am two weeks later with nada—didn’t get any of the contracts for which I interviewed and the phone calls and emails are no more. Bummer. I really liked working outside the home; my relationship with every member of my family was better when I did. Once again I feel pretty incomplete. Father, what’s going on? Is this just another “for right now”? Sigh. Anyway it hasn’t helped that to me Caleb seems to be behaving more “autistic” lately. The spinning has returned along with an out-of-control restlessness. And since he’s bigger and stronger it’s become more physically draining to do life with him. Okay that’s enough. I spent over 30 years being sad and depressed; that’s enough misery for a lifetime. I will find joy in all this. Whenever I get to this place, this fork in the road, I hear words from a poem by Dylan Thomas: Do not go gentle into that good night. Rage, rage against the dying of the light. He was writing about death, but death and depression are just about the same thing. So let’s move on.

This morning Caleb woke up with perfect clarity. And like he was teaching us something he pointed to each of us one by one and recited our “labels.” He pointed to himself and said, “Caleb.” He pointed to Hollis and said “Daddy,” and then to me and said “Mommy.” We pointed to Jadon and he looked perplexed. Then he hopped down off our bed and ran in another room. Suddenly we heard him exclaim, “Jadon!” as though he’d found something to help him with the answer to our question. That was a cool moment. We all were thrilled–even Jadon.

It is official (again): I am domesticated. I am now the intimidated owner of a breadmaker. Thank you Mom! I never thought I’d have need of such a machine. But since we found out about Caleb’s wheat and gluten allergies, and since he’s such a bread lover (you should witness some of the physical struggles we have restraining him in restaurants where they put bread on the table before meals), I’ve decided to become a bread baker–gluten and wheat free of course. Yep. Once I figure out how to turn the thing on, Caleb will be enjoying peanut butter and jelly sandwiches again in no time.